Realization ~

I keep on complaining that people around me changed a lot, blah blah, but then I realized, did they really change or I just really didn't know them that much? 


Think about it.

Old friends

I suddenly missed this girls :)

 

 

 

My sister, Misa and I

at her first day in Japan

last October.

We look eww?

Karma is a bitch

I guess no matter what, people are just really mean in nature. I am not generalizing the entire human race but majority of people I know falls for that category. I just feel really about what happened tonight. I am not really in the mood to elaborate the story. But just to make it short, my aunt and I are in really bad terms now. A month ago, she kinda said a lot of things that are really offensive. She is known for being tactless and stuff but that doesn't mean I should understand her all the time. I was really mad so instead of replying to her last message, I just decided to remove her from my friend list and block her. I did that because I know myself. I might can't control myself from replying her. I might say something bad and I don't want that to happen because she is my aunt and I don't want my mom to get disappointed. But yeah, I guess everything has to be cleared out. I decided to reply to her a while ago for some reasons. I really don't like what she said a while ago. She told me I was bastos, walang respeto and even told my sister that she won't forget what I did. I was like.. "yeah? what the hell did i do to you aside from blocking you off from my list?" Here's the thing and I was really shocked. Somebody told her that I said something like this "Ayaw pa din ako tigilan ni bukol". Bukol is her pet name. I don't know why but my mom calls her by that but what the, I never called her that. God knows. Never. So we are all shocked by what she messaged my sister. And now I'm really curious whose the bitch behind these made-up stories. I have one person in mind but I'll figure it out first. 


Karma is a bitch.

64 months of love

Dreaming of the days when my lover lay beside me, my mind is in heaven, just imagining his touch. Every single part of him I have fallen in love with. His beautiful brown eyes glow; I can see my future in him. This gorgeous brown I will never forget.

His lips, so smooth just begging for a kiss. The perfect color, the perfect shape, and oh how I love to kiss those beautiful lips. The same lips that whisper 'I love you' embrace mine and I am reminded of the passion. 

The stunning curve of his spine makes my hands loose control, I remember massaging his back, his shoulders. Hearing my love moan with every motion, every touch, every scratch, lets me know that he is in a land of bliss, which I provided day in, day out. Kissing and licking his knees, he shivered and shook with pleasure, I love to make him loose control. 

Remembering when I lay next to him, admiring the sun on his skin... he reminded me of a statue sometimes. So handsome, so perfect. Pure beauty. Remembering his fingers twirling through my soft brown hair, him staring into my eyes as we had a speechless conversation. 

Reminiscing of the mornings I would wake up next to him, his arm around me keeping me warm. Waking up being able to see him and kiss him good morning, with a soft 'I love you' being the first thing said. I remember being able to sleep next to him, being wrapped up warm in his arms. 

But this dreamland no longer exists; I feel nothing. All I feel is the pain from his absence, and a constant longing for my love that drives me insane. A constant loneliness that never subsides. 

The next time he will return to my arms seems like an eternity away. 

Nowadays when I roll over, there is merely a pillow. When I look over to awe at my love, all that remains is the wall. I remember when it was him who warmed me, now there is merely a blanket. My bed has suddenly become huge without him next to me, my palm is empty without him to here hold it, and my heart is empty without him here to love me. 

My mind is fried, all I think about is the next time I will see my love. I'm trying to stay strong, knowing that someday my love will return. Memories and the sound of his voice are the only things that keep me going, that keep me desperate for his return. Oh how I've hungered for his touch, for even a simple glance from those gorgeous eyes. Thinking of the next time I will wrap my arms around him and inhale the scent of his neck. When I will feel his stubble scratch my cheek, when I will be able to run my fingers over his shoulders and whisper 'Welcome home bheibhy, I love you' into his ear. When I will be able to gaze into his eyes and kiss him, with this kiss expressing how much I've missed him, how much I've yearned for him. Every part of my body, longs for his touch. 

A simple graze of his fingertips would be enough to make me fall to my knees.

Summer Luvin'!

Summer started kind of late

but deengg, it is so hot right now!

I hope I could attend some

beach party or something

or maybe visit my relatives

in La Union and do 

some surfing!

CHYYYEAAAH!

 

Miss T PART 2

Just an update.

Sorry for being such a bitch but this is really funny..


Miss T PM'd me last night and asked me if how am I doing in Japan. I told her I'm okay but I am already in the Philippines for the past two months. 

I told her that I heard she has a new boyfriend already and she confirmed it. I asked her what will happen to her "marriage" with her so-called "ex-husband". And guess what? She told me it is already annulled. WHAT THE @^%$#!!!


Look, I am not stupid enough to fall for this. They just broke up like 3 months ago and now they're already annulled?! Even the celebrities is having a hard time to file an annulment!


Wohhoo. Liar.

Updating only

It's really a boring day now. It is Holy week for us Christians so we can't really do anything happy at the moment because Christ is dead.

It's already 7PM at the moment and I haven't been productive today. I woke up at 2PM, ate my breakfast/lunch, took a bath and watched DVD. Lazy, I know. I want to go out but I am not sure if malls are open now and besides, I don't want to spend money. I am saving it for more important things. I am planning to apply this coming week so wish me luck. I really don't feel alright lately. I feel a little chest pain and occasional palpitations. I suspect it's the GERD or what we call gastroesophageal reflux disease. I was diagnosed three years ago and it is killing me always! I need to see a doctor one of these days so I could get prescription for my medicines.


Blah.

Miss T

Tonight, I will reveal a bad side of mine. I am sorry but I just have to let this out.

So here is the thing, I met this girl in one of my Saturday classes during my stay in CSB. Let us call her Miss T. We became hang out buddies. She was okay, a little, I guess. The first time we got to know we each other. We decided to eat lunch together. And the moment we sat down, she begun telling me tons of stories about her ex-boyfriend which was our school mate. And I was like.. "hey we just met, okay? So that means I don't give a damn about your love life. Can't you be a little sensible?" .... Of course, I didn't tell her that but I wish I did! 

I spent the rest of my Saturday breaks with her. Just because I have no choice. Fine, I might sound a little mean but that is the truth. 

I told the boyfriend to text her and pretend to be someone else. I told him to tell her a different profile. Someone appealing. Well, the boyfriend is very appealing but he's mine so yeah, I don't like him to use his real profile for private purposes. So Miss T and the boyfriend became virtual friends. All along, Miss T thought the boyfriend was just a close friend of mine. Lol! So during one of our lunch breaks, Miss T confessed to me that she was already falling for the boyfriend. Oopsie. Sorry, he's mine but I wasn't alarmed at all. It was all part of the game. 


Until the sweet boyfriend told her the truth about US. But she never confronted me about it. I guess she was having a hint all along.


I haven't seen Miss T for like a year now. I stopped school for the mean time while she transferred but we used to chat via Facebook.


Months ago, when I was still in Japan. She was telling me stories about her boyfriend (her ex-boyfriend now). Few weeks after they became couple, she told me that they were already engaged. She told me that her dad and the guy's parents wanted them to get married years from now because they're both from Chinese descent. 


After a month, I guess. She told me they got married at one of the historic places in Manila. At first she told me that they just wanted blessings from the pastor. Then suddenly, she told me that it was a real wedding. I even interrogated her about how did they get married when both of them are not yet in legal age to get married. She answered me that the guy's parent faked the signature that supposed to be her father's signature. BLAH BLAH.


Few weeks after, she was ranting all over Facebook how broken hearted she was. Her "husband" broke up with her. According to her story, her "husband" broke up with her because he was so jealous of someone else. That's it? Just because of jealousy? A "newlywed couple" will break up after few weeks just because of that lame reason? Fine. Whatever you say, Miss T.


Because I was really intrigued of this little liar, I PM'd her and asked what happened. Then she told me about the jealousy thing. And guess what, Miss T told me she was two-weeks pregnant. I told her to tell her "husband". She refused and gave a lot of excuses. I just listened.


After some weeks, she PM'd me in Facebook and told me she had a miscarriage. And she told me the most unbelievable story ever! Do I look that stupid to you, Miss T? 


And at this very moment, she was in a relationship with a totally different guy. Raving about how in love she is right now. 


And oh, last year she told me she will leave for States and until now she is still here in Philippines. She kept on posting status in Facebook that she will leave BLAH BLAH. 


I'm really sick and tired of this bitch. Sorry for all the rants but I am just really annoyed. I stopped talking to her two months ago. And I am thinking to delete her in my list.




Sorry for being such a hater.

Ate ninang misses you baby Nariki!

Hope to see you in few months!

Fun day with the Centeno's

Finally, I had the chance to unwind today. I went to SM Mall of Asia with the best friend, her brother Dyick and my god son, Bryce. We met around 2PM and had lunch at Juan Bistro. It was our first time to eat there. Well, the food was okay. After that, we went to Seaside and just roamed around. When it was getting hot, we decided to go back inside the mall and eat at the food court. I bought my all-time favorite frozen yogurt and the best friend bought fried chicken skin and ice cream. Around 6PM, we went back to Seaside because we will be watching the fireworks. Every Saturday, MOA has this kind of show, fireworks display. 


Well, we were like an hour early so we decided to wander again around the vicinity. We bought some food like scramble, mango shake, a hot dog and some fries. The best friend's son Bryce probably lost all his energy that he slept without us noticing but when the fireworks display started, the best friend woke him up. 


And after that, we all went home... without eating dinner. We were all awed by the fireworks display that we forgot to eat first before going home. Ha ha ha! But anyway, it was a fun day again with them. Well, I never had dull moments with the best friend.


I have to rest now. Later!

...

I am trying to refrain myself from blogging but heck, I really have to blog away. It is Friday night and here I am stuck at home. My sisters are out and I am left here with mom and some cousins. I was suppose to meet the best friend at a nearby mall but I did not pursue for some reasons. I feel sick, I hate the traffic, I am broke and lastly and the most important thing is I am concern of her health. Just so you know, something happened to her last Sunday. She might have tonic clonic seizure, epilepsy or the worst is tumor but then of course, I am hoping none of those. I hope the diagnosis would not be that serious at all. Lets just pray for her.


So what is new with me? Nothing is really new. I already got my sss number and NBI clearance so now I am ready to find some job. I will probably start next week. Good luck to me! 

March 28-29 update

The boyfriend and I celebrated our 63rd monthsary two days ago. No, were still not together but we still managed to celebrate it by talking to the phone. It's enough for now. He cooked chicken curry (our favorite), lasagna and his very own jelly cake. I was so happy that night. Happy because despite of what is happening to him, to us.. he still haven't changed. I love you, B.


I am sick worried of him for two days. I couldn't sleep. He wasn't feeling well. A while ago, his dad accompanied him to the hospital. Thank God the diagnosis wasn't serious enough for him to die. The doctor told him that his heart beat is not normal and as usual, he's stressed. I wish he will be okay soon. I'm so worried, really.


But anyway, last night was one of my happiest nights ever. My siblings, mom, cousin Ryan, his wife and me went to Manila Memorial to visit my father's grave. It was my parents' 23rd wedding anniversary supposedly. After that, we went to Macapagal to have dinner. Seafood for the win. Yum! We had calamares, buttered shrimps, crabs in oyster sauce, mussels topped with garlic and cheese and also sinigang sa miso. It's been a while since we went outside with mom. So it was really great and I know she enjoyed! 

Super mad

You know what makes me so mad? When you give so much respect to someone yet she chose not to be at least kind to you. Yeah, that is bull and I am just a human. Someday, I will get even. I have so much hatred to someone right now. A mistress and a drug addict who actually don't deserve respect from anyone. I won't name her. She's an ugly bitch and for sure karma is on her way. I officially hate mistresses now. Damn home wreckers!

Sick baby needs some loving

I'm sick worried of my boyfriend. I called him up a while ago and told me he was feeling sick. Hope he will feel better tomorrow. He told me he argued with his older sister Ivy because of what happened yesterday. He walked out of the hospital without them knowing the reason. But me, I know the reason. It was me. Ha ha ha. We weren't okay yesterday and I am too lazy to elaborate what happened. Maybe next time, mmkay? But hey, I really miss my boyfriend. I miss his sweetness. I miss him baby-ing me. 

Update yo

Last Saturday, my family and I went to Manila Memorial because it is my father's death anniversary. It was an emotional day for me and especially for my mother who was crying all the time while priest was preaching. I couldn't help but to cry also. The priest's homily was good and inspiring. It was about moving on. The day was incomplete though because my sister Misa didn't make it. She had afternoon classes and was stucked in traffic. Anyway, Papa will surely understand. A lot of people came. Some of my aunts and uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces and also some friends. We had a little gathering after. We ate some food. My aunts and cousins brought some food to share too. It was a memorable one and I am also happy that I saw my close cousins again after a long time. 


The other day was a very bad day. I went to the diagnostic center where I had my blood work ups and x-rays done. My blood tests were fine. Within normal range. But my x-ray was a bad one. I have mild scoliosis. A bone disorder that my sister has and also my aunt too. My sister was diagnosed last year if I am not mistaken. I need to see a specialist for this and for sure undergo some therapies needed like my sister did. It would be quite expensive for sure but it would be worth it. I need to change my lifestyle. Seriously, this time. 


I need to get my JPY 20,000 from my aunt. I messaged her a while ago via Facebook. She is online now but as I've expected she didn't reply. People sometimes are so insensitive, eh? C'mon, I need a decent reply! It is not like I am borrowing money from her. I am getting my money! Hah! I am so mad again. She can tell me if she can't give it right now. I am a matured woman who can understand things like that.


You know what's making me mad? Everytime my cousins are asking money from her, she would say yes immediately but me? She can't even reply! @!&#$"$#"5&!!!




--------------------------------------------------------------------




I miss the boyfriend. When can I see you love? I miss you and everything about you, you hot little thing you! 


I love you so much lover!

I am sick of douchebags commenting/posting in social networking sites that my fellow Japanese deserved the tragedy happened few days ago! C'mon people!

Update

How time flies so fast! I can't believe that two days from now, it will be already my father's first death anniversary. I actually dreamt of him last night. I can't really tell the details because it wasn't clear. I feel so sad today. A while ago, mom and my cousin are talking their experiences about my father's confinement before he passed away. I don't actually want to talk about it or even remembering it 'cause the pain still lingers. 


Anyway, change topic..


Last Monday, I went to Healthway The Fort to have a check up again. I went to a different doctor but told me to the same thing. She gave some names of laboratories where I could get a cheaper blood work up and x-rays. I will still find them though 'cause she don't know the addresses. Good luck to me. *sigh. The back pain still occurs time to time. 


My sister is planning to go to Japan and get some work. She wanted to earn money 'cause she said her university will have a tuition fee increase this coming school year. Hope her plans will turn well. I am wishing all the best for her.


After knowing what's making me sick, I am also planning to find some job. I need to.

What to do?

The other day, something tragic happened to my other home, Japan. A 9.0 magnitude earthquake striked north eastern Japan. I've spent my afternoon watching NHK and BBC so I could be updated of my country. I was teary-eyed when I watched what was happening to Japan because after the earthquake, the tsunami came after and killed hundreds of people and still counting. A lot of houses were destroyed. Cars were crashed like toys and roads are totally damaged. I wonder if my paternal grandmother is alright. I called up my aunt in Osaka and asked if she and my cousins are okay. Thanks God they weren't affected at all.


I am very touched by people who are privately messaging me in Facebook and asking me if I am okay. Some of them still don't know that I am back in Manila. And I also received text messages from friends telling me that they are happy and relieved that I am already back in Manila before the tragedy happened.


If there are good people.. of course, there are also the villains. I see some people in Facebook posting that it's okay that something like that happened in Japan because they are rich, they could move on easily. Is that even right? And there is more.. some people also said that its just a karma of what they did during World War II, specifically Pearl Harbor. 


Why can't just people around the world just help the Japanese people? Instead of saying bad things about the country and its people? My heart is crying secretly because of this.


But then, we can't do anything about it. I am also happy that some countries are extending their help to Japan and I heard from my sister that American pop star, Justin Bieber donated a million to our country. 


It still scares me that something like this happened just few days ago. What will happen tomorrow? Is the 2012 prediction true? No one knows. I guess, we humans just have to pray to God. That is all we can do. To pray.

Back in Manila

It's been a while huh? I'm back in Manila now and so far, I am okay. I've missed my family so much and of course my close cousins and friends. I came back here last 25th of February. I've missed my dogs too! 


So far, I've seen Jade and Therese only among my friends. I met up with Therese at The Fort to catch up and of course, I wanted to see her daughter too. She was so pretty! Just like her mom. I've been with Jade several times already since I got here but last week, we went to the mall with her son who is such a cutie and he is such a bright child. Seems like my best friend is enjoying motherhood which is good. I am happy for her. 


The boyfriend and I are also doing good as well except that we don't talk that much anymore lately 'cause he's dealing with some family issues. I guess I have no right to say it here 'cause it's too personal but I am always praying to God to give him enough courage and strength so he could overcome whatever he is experiencing now. I am always here for him. I love him so much. I wish everything will turn out fine soon.


Financially speaking, my family is in really bad state. Aside from the fact that we are financially unstable.. we are dealing with one issue. Okay, here is the thing. We are receiving pension from the Osaka town hall every two months. Since none of us are in Japan anymore. My mom's sister is the one who is responsible of withdrawing the money from mom's bank account in Japan every two months. We still have a money left in the bank which is JPY150,000. My mom contacted my aunt and told her to send the money as soon as possible because my sister would be having her finals soon and needs to pay the remaining balance in school plus utility bills will be coming soon. She told mom that she will send the money on the 7th of March and its already 10th of March.. yet no money was sent! My mom is getting depress already. My aunt's mobile is out of reach, she doesn't go online anymore and no one is answering their land line. I wonder if she spent our money and intentionally not contacting us because she knows mom will get mad if she will find out what she did? 


I wouldn't be surprise if she did that. She has actually an attitude of spending money of others. She eventually would pay it but the fact that you are not actually "borrowing" the money yet you spent it is such a bad attitude. 


Tsk tsk tsk. Now tell me, who should I trust in this world filled with selfish people?

Dear BOYS,

If you don't want your girlfriends to question your loyalty, then prove to her that she is the only girl in your life. How? Don't text/call/meet girls that she doesn't want you to. If you can't follow that simple rule, then you're an asshole. So don't even bother to ask why she doesn't trust you. Got a problem with that?


Sincerly yours,
MIKA

Crappy Night, huh?

My day was not that okay. Fine.. I hate it. My mom and I argued about money. I won't elaborate it here anymore. Then, I was fixing my eyebrows a while ago and accidentally cut the skin above my right brow for the second time! And now it's bleeding and I have to press cotton against it. It actually hurts a little. Aaah! A lot of crappy things happened tonight. I was about to brush my teeth when I realized I've put the wrong toothbrush inside my mouth. I almost used it. I looked myself in the mirror and realized.. "Why the hell am I holding a green toothbrush?! Damn! It's my cousin's! Mine's blue!" Ahh boo, gross. And after brushing my teeth, I felt thirsty so I filled my glass with water from the pitcher. When I drank it, I felt a plastic inside my mouth and checked my glass... Voila! Plastics floating inside my glass! Okay, fine it's actually my fault. I think I forgot to rip off all the plastic wrapping the ice a while ago.. What a night. Good thing, Jamillons' music is putting me into a good mood. I was planning to pack my things for my flight next week but then I can't find my pink bag. I guess I just have to look for it tomorrow. My room is a complete mess now. Thanks to my cousin, Nariki who left a lot of crushed cookies on my floor. And besides, its already almost 12 midnight. I have to hit the sack in a while. Hope tomorrow will be a good day!

Mika: Bheib, I think were meant to be.


Brent: You think?! I am sure!!!

Mika: I have a trivia.


Brent: What?

Mika: Our blood types are compatible and our zodiac signs too, even though its always arguing because of different personalities. They're better off together daw than being alone.


Brent: Ikaw talaga mahal. May trivia din ako sayo.


*I didn't reply.


Brent: Hoy!!!

Mika: Ayaw.


Brent: Hoy, May trivia sabi eh!!!


Mika: Wala ako panahon sa kalokohan mo.


Brent: May trivia nga eh! May trivia! May trivia!

Mika: Oh sige, mag hunos dili ka. Ano yun?


Brent: Based on my mind, lumalaki ka daw. Dati hanggang balikat lang kita pero ngayon nasa isip na kita. Wahaha. At based on my heart, lumiilit ka daw dahil dati nasa isip kita, ngayon naman nasa puso na kita. Wahaha.

Mika: John Lloyd ikaw ba yan? Haha.


Brent: Wahaha. Hindi no. Laro tayo plants vs. zombies. Ikaw ang zombie para habang kinakain mo ako, tinitira naman kita. Wahahaha. Wahaha. :-D

Mika: May pagnanasa ka talaga sakin. Maybe you like me.


Brent: Wahaha. Hindi no. Ikaw? Napakataray mo para magustuhan ko. You're not my type :-P

Mika: Talaga? You don't like me?


Brent: I don't like your pagiging maarte. Mataray kung minsan na wala sa lugar. Spoiled brat. Mahilig mag complain but doesn't know how to follow advices. But despite of all your bad traits.. everytime I think of you.. wala akong makitang reason para di ka mahalin.

The rest is history.

I need some Positivity

It seems like everyone still got a hang over about Valentine's. Too much hype, you think so? And me, I still haven't get a message from my boyfriend. No hi, no hello. I am trying to be happy today though. It's my baby cousin Nariki's first birthday. We'll be having a small celebration with some tita's close friends. I slept 3AM last night and woke up around 11AM. I went outside to buy drinks, paper plates and brunch for me and my tita. Snow is gone. It's actually pretty sunny today. The weather is good. Tita and Nariki went to the salon to have his first haircut. I'm pretty excited to see the outcome. 

I was chatting with my mom and cousin, Joanne last night. They told me my cousin, Ryan is getting married on the 26th of this month. It's just a civil wedding. It will take place at some restaurant in Manila. They told me to go. I am not sure yet since my best friend and I have plans on that night but the wedding will be on the afternoon so there's no conflict. Well, I'll just think about it. Lazy me, huh? But I am really happy for him. I know its his dream and he really loves his girlfriend and I also heard that they're expecting their second baby. 

Last night, I questioned God. "Why everyone seems having a good life except me?" Of course, I didn't get an answer. I tried to be positive and mumbled to myself.. "I guess God is still writing the best love story for me" and from now on, I try not to be negative. Good things happen for those who wait like what I'm always saying.

Cheers to couples who are getting married this year!
Baby dust to everyone!

ENVIOUS ME? YESSS!

Hmmm, I feel so lonely tonight. My friends who are in a relationship posted their pictures with their boyfriends while they're on their Valentine dates on Facebook. Life is so unfair. I've never felt this way. It is just so sad. Please lets end this night!!! Fast forward please?


I don't deserve this! 

Happy(?) Valentine's Day!

First of all, Happy Valentine's day to all of you! I hope you had a love-filled day. 

So what happened to me this day? As usual, I am dateless. No roses, chocolates and love letter but it doesn't matter. It's just a day and thank God it is about to end in few hours. Ha! But I made my mom happy today. I asked my best friend to buy red roses for me and deliver it to our condominium in Paranaque. Well, she forgot that I was asking her to buy red roses but instead bought white and pink ones. I was kind of hesitant to go for white roses 'cause for me white roses are for our loved ones who passed away. But anyway, I guess my mom didn't mind 'cause she didn't say anything or it's just me.. whatever. So yeah, the dumb guards in our condominium don't want to deliver the roses to our penthouse. *shaking my head. And my best friend who has been shy around my family all the time.. of course, don't want to give it by herself. Well, when I called her up, she was with someone.. Yes, a guy named J... I forgot but I remember the name starts with J. Right, it was J. Anyway, I assume my cousin (I am really assuming its my cousin, Raymond) was driving our red Chevrolet and he was with my sister, Misa. The J guy handed the roses to my sister. Good stuff.

After few minutes, I called up our home and talked to my mom. It was obvious that she was holding her tears when I was talking to her. She was sort of speechless at first and just thanked me. I asked her if she liked it, she said yes. And asked her if it's beautiful (I have no idea how the bouquet looks like) she said "okay lang..". And I said "Okay lang?!" She laughed and said "Maganda.. Yung dalawa mong kapatid dito, hindi man lang ako binati." I said "okay lang yun" and tried to change the topic. I told her to chat me in facebook and I hung up.


She chatted me in facebook and said something like this (not exact) "Mika thanks sa flowers. Akala ko nakalimutan mo na ako batiin. Hindi ko ineexpect na may flowers pa. Kahit bati lang okay na ako. Naiiyak na ako."


And the rest is history.

I am happy 'cause I made my mom happy but honestly, I am not entirely happy and I guess you know why. My boyfriend greeted me once today and never texted me again. I know, he hates Valentines 'cause of what happened to us years ago. He actually texted me something like this "I feel like giving you flowers. Haha." I didn't reply but the message sounds like an insult for me. I don't know if it's just me or whatever... It's almost 9PM already but he hasn't texted me yet. I am getting worried.


I'm jealous of my best friend. She sounds like so happy when I was talking to her over the phone. She told me she got a date. I didn't ask who's the victim (lol) but I am happy that she's happy today.


Another dateless, flower-less, chocolate-less, letter-less Valentine's day for me.
I'm wondering what will happen next Valentine's? *sigh


Anyway, shout out for my best friend for making this surprise happen! I owe ya a lot. 

The NERVEEEEE!

I've been dealing with heartaches lately. I'm thinking it maybe just an effect of paranoia but my heart says the opposite thing. I am severely hurt and no one could take this pain but the person who caused this same shit. Ugh! Yeah and that's my boyfriend. He's been treating me so different lately.. or is it just me? No! It's really different. He's cold as an ice. He declined every time I want to have an "us" time. What the hell is wrong with him? As far as I remember, this shit started since he started talking to the girl he used to like before we became a couple and he also told me he likes someone else in his office. And now he isn't replying to any of my text messages. I am guessing that he went to the "anniversary party" of their company. He texted me a while ago that his office mate  called him a while ago and told him that he NEEDS to attend the party. Yeah, right! Gaad, I am so mad!

Inferiority Complex

I am trying to de-stress myself but how can I do that when problems occur in daily basis? The boyfriend and I always argue even on small things. Most of the time, we don't jive anymore. There are times that he's in office for the whole day so he can't really text which is of course, I totally understand. When he gets home at night, he'll fall asleep early 'cause he's tired which is I guess is understandable too. But of course, knowing myself, sometimes I feel sad that my boyfriend has no time for me. Even though his reasons are valid enough. Well, I guess that's just me being melodramatic. He knows what I feel but I don't really want to push him to this.. to have more time for me because he needs to work and I am proud of him because he's being independent. As what he says, he's working for us, for our future but it doesn't matter.. I mean I don't really mind if he's working for us or not. The main point is.. he's working hard for the future. Whether I belong to that "future" or not. We can never say but I am hoping. 


Lately, I am thinking.. Uhmm, boyfriend and I are not a good match. I mean, we love each other and stuff but were so opposite. He's good looking and I am not. He's a degree holder and I am not. He's rich and I am not. I am nothing compared to most of his past girlfriends which is of course belongs to the same social circle. Everytime I think of this things, I can't help but to cry and let my insecurities arise. I am just a girl. 


I personally never met my boyfriend's family yet. He wanted me to but I always tell him I am not ready yet.. 'till they went back to their native land. And I guess if the boyfriend would ask me the same thing, I would also answer him the same thing I did two years ago. Were on our 6th year already.. but I don't think I am ready to meet his family. I am just scared they won't like me for their son. There is nothing to like about me. I am just.. nothing.


I am not the Mika they think I am. No one really knows my real background. I lied about myself. I am scared no one could accept me. I don't think someone could understand me. I am so ashamed of myself. People would just judge me, I am sure of that...

I am a drama queen...

I feel so terrible tonight. I am so sad and depressed. I have so many problems but I don't know how to solve it. I want to talk to someone but I got no one. My boyfriend thinks I am just making all this dramas. How crappy is that. I feel so sorry 'cause he thinks of me that way. So officially, I got no one. No one cares for me. No one ever wants to listen to my "dramas"...

Just have faith

I'm having a bad day... My boyfriend and I are fighting. I won't elaborate anymore the details. I just hate it. I had a hard time sleeping last night. I slept around 3AM already. I was crying because I'm so hurt. Boys are mean... *sigh Is it really possible for a guy to be contented with one girl? I hope so. I'm not doubting or something. I'm just opening my mind to any possibilities. 


Anyway, I feel envious today. My friends are posting their college grad pictures already on their facebook page. I wish I'm one of them. Partly, its my fault because I kind of slacked off during college. I didn't really take it seriously but I'm about to graduate too in a year (I transferred school and shifted course). But I guess graduating from college is like the least thing I could do for now. Because of our situation, I don't think my mom could send me off to school. Not now, maybe next time. I hope so. I still have a sister who's also in college and other one is about to graduate grade school in incoming school year. So yeah, after all... my mom doesn't trust me anymore about me going to college. I had bad grades twice, who would want to spend money for my education, right? I totally understand.


The only option left for me is for me to get a job, save some money and maybe someday I could send my ass off to school. A lot of hard work is needed. I'm wishing a good health for myself so I could reach my goals. I've been feeling sick lately.. I wish it's nothing serious. I can't afford to get sick. 


Life is unfair. It was never fair but I have faith in God. I know He has better plans for me and my loved ones. I just have to wait. This is how I also set my mind when it comes to my relationship with my boyfriend. Great things will happen to those people who wait and I'm one of them. I'm waiting for him and it's worth it even though we have a lot of misunderstandings. Because of all the trials God has given us, we won't be as strong as we are now. 


I believe that good things will happen to me and my loved ones, again..

Sad Valentine's

Today was uhm, a good day and a bad one too. Good because my blood test turned okay. I have no diabetes! Yay. I'm so glad. I was hella scared for the past couple of weeks. I've been experiencing migraine and body ache for the past two days. I was thinking maybe because my blood sugar is high or something but well it wasn't but my blood pressure is high. I'm not sure though 'cause I used the machine one. They say its not that accurate so whatever. I tried three kinds of pain killers already but it didn't work on me. The third one did a little but the pain is still here. I'm thinking maybe my hormones are acting up crazy again 'cause my menstruation is just about to end. 


I really feel sad and disappointed tonight. I was texting with my beloved boyfriend a while ago and told him that Valentine's is getting near. He told me that I shouldn't remind him of Valentine's. My heart got hurt. See, I know it's my fault but it was freaking 5 years ago! Why does he have to always bring it up to me during this love month? Is it that bad? *sigh


Okay.. Five years ago. Two months after we officially became couple.. I kind of ditched him on Valentine's itself. We were suppose to have a date somewhere in Makati. He told me to meet him up in a mall in Alabang area after my classes but I didn't show up. Our relationship wasn't serious that time. Were just starting to get to know each other. I don't love him yet and I am sure the feeling is mutual.

I was terribly sorry about that but every February.. he always brings it up as if I did a crime. I feel like crying tonight. I just want him to buy blue roses on that day and bake some cookies for me even were not together but I guess it won't happen 'cause like what he have said, I shouldn't mention it again.


I guess I just have to deal with it. Suffer every February 14. I'm the luckiest girl because I got someone so special like him but I think I'll be the saddest girl on Valentine's because my boyfriend doesn't want to celebrate it with me.. just because of a childish, stupid mistake I did five years ago.

I want this

tiara and hairstyle.

Mika: Do you sometimes hate me?

Brent: Yeah, why?

Mika: Don't you love me anymore?

Brent: I do love you damn much.

Mika: Really? Like you want to marry me?

Brent: I always want to marry you. 

Never ako nag-propose sa isang girl 

other than you.

Mika: Really? Why?

Brent: Kasi ngayon lang ako naging sigurado

sa babae.

Alam kong magiging masaya ako sayo.

Mahal kita Mika. 

Mahal na mahal.

Pics from my phone. Very Random.

My sister with her big tummy. Haha.

Misa in Violet

Legs kung legs!

Mina striking a pose.

I personally like this shot.

But this one is my
favorite.
Mama facebook-ing. Lol!

First Child

Expecting your first child could be a negative or positive thing. It could be depressing because first, you were not ready to have a child but I just laugh it off when I hear such stories. First, haven't you heard of safe sex? Condoms are cheaper compare to motel rates, right? Just a realization. No offense to those people who are reading this. Just an opinion. Peace yo. Admit that you're just irresponsible or maybe not knowledgeable enough about the deed. Try some reading if sex really interests you. Enough of that. I'm somewhat ranting already. Heehee. And yeah, it could also be a good thing because you're maybe one of the couples who are wishing to have that cute little bundle of joy. And I'm one of the latter part. I mean, I was a baby everyone was waiting for. I was the first child of my father and mother and also the first grandchild of my paternal side. I have a cousin who is around my age too but she was born four months after I was so technically I am still the first grandchild. (Oh yeah...) And also I am the first baby who has mixed ethnicity. Both sides. So pretty exciting huh? I look totally like my father. Eyes, eyelashes, nose, lips, ears, eyebrows.. I all got it from him. I don't look like a man, okay? I am his girl version *wink and I've been always proud of that. I wish I also got  his brain too *sob He's a math wizard and I am not. I always flunk with math. There are sayings that if a baby looks like his father, it means the baby's mother loves the baby's father so much and vice versa so people were telling me that maybe my mother loves my father so much because I look like him. Tahaha. Okay, maybe. I mean, I don't know if its true. I am not really a fan of such sayings but I am sure that my mother loves my father until this very moment. *drama

SO FREAKING MAD AT YOU!

I guess we can never find a perfect person, ever because simply perfection doesn't exist. I am nowhere near perfection but does love really could make a person perfect? For me, no. You just have to accept his/her imperfection because simply you love him/her.


I've been going steady with the same guy for 5 years and a month now. I love him, no doubt but seems like our relationship doesn't grow.. or I think he's the one who doesn't get mature. He thinks so high school. He's 26 but he thinks like an 18 year old kiddo. There are times that I feel tired dealing with his immaturity but don't get me wrong, that doesn't make me love him any less. 


I just wonder when will he get mature? He keeps on telling me that he wants to marry me and build a family with me but the question is.. how can he do that when he acts so immature? Financially, I guess he could support me and the future babies but how about emotional stability? It's important too. Love isn't enough. Hey man, I need some maturity here.


He loves engaging into fights. Not only fights between men but he also loves to butt in, in cat fights! No, I don't mean literally cats. I mean, girl fights. Damn. I know him a lot. I know when he's sad. I know when he's happy. I know when he feels troubled and I 'specially know if he's lying! And I terribly hate liars. They're my pet peeves! I don't say I never lied. I lie at times but not big fat lies and he thinks I am a fool to believe all his lies! 


See, maybe you're wondering why am I so mad like this. An ex-friend of his and his oh-so-cutie-cutie sister had an affair behind his back. I don't know what's guy's motive. Or maybe I know, but I am not just so sure so I won't assume but anyway, that's not the thing. His LITTLE sister is actually not LITTLE. She is a fully-grown 23 year old lady. So I think it's not my boyfriend's concern anymore if his "little sister" is fucking his ex-friend. Besides, as what I've mentioned a while ago. She is freaking 23 already. She is even older than me!


That's not yet the climax of the story. My very good boyfriend "accidentally" sent a wrong message to me. A message supposedly for Mike. It goes like this "Mike? Bro zup?" Like I don't know my boyfriend huh?! He almost killed that Mike the last time they saw each other. I won't elaborate anymore the details and the reason but that's what happened. And he keeps on telling me that he just want to have a reconciliation with Mike. Like what the hell? You fooling me?


Must hate liars! Damn it!


I AM SO FREAKING MAD! Feels like I'm going to have a heart attack today!