SO FREAKING MAD AT YOU!

I guess we can never find a perfect person, ever because simply perfection doesn't exist. I am nowhere near perfection but does love really could make a person perfect? For me, no. You just have to accept his/her imperfection because simply you love him/her.


I've been going steady with the same guy for 5 years and a month now. I love him, no doubt but seems like our relationship doesn't grow.. or I think he's the one who doesn't get mature. He thinks so high school. He's 26 but he thinks like an 18 year old kiddo. There are times that I feel tired dealing with his immaturity but don't get me wrong, that doesn't make me love him any less. 


I just wonder when will he get mature? He keeps on telling me that he wants to marry me and build a family with me but the question is.. how can he do that when he acts so immature? Financially, I guess he could support me and the future babies but how about emotional stability? It's important too. Love isn't enough. Hey man, I need some maturity here.


He loves engaging into fights. Not only fights between men but he also loves to butt in, in cat fights! No, I don't mean literally cats. I mean, girl fights. Damn. I know him a lot. I know when he's sad. I know when he's happy. I know when he feels troubled and I 'specially know if he's lying! And I terribly hate liars. They're my pet peeves! I don't say I never lied. I lie at times but not big fat lies and he thinks I am a fool to believe all his lies! 


See, maybe you're wondering why am I so mad like this. An ex-friend of his and his oh-so-cutie-cutie sister had an affair behind his back. I don't know what's guy's motive. Or maybe I know, but I am not just so sure so I won't assume but anyway, that's not the thing. His LITTLE sister is actually not LITTLE. She is a fully-grown 23 year old lady. So I think it's not my boyfriend's concern anymore if his "little sister" is fucking his ex-friend. Besides, as what I've mentioned a while ago. She is freaking 23 already. She is even older than me!


That's not yet the climax of the story. My very good boyfriend "accidentally" sent a wrong message to me. A message supposedly for Mike. It goes like this "Mike? Bro zup?" Like I don't know my boyfriend huh?! He almost killed that Mike the last time they saw each other. I won't elaborate anymore the details and the reason but that's what happened. And he keeps on telling me that he just want to have a reconciliation with Mike. Like what the hell? You fooling me?


Must hate liars! Damn it!


I AM SO FREAKING MAD! Feels like I'm going to have a heart attack today!

Just for a Moment

Just for a moment, can we escape?

Just for a moment, we'll find a common place

Boy it ain't easy, to stay away from you baby

I just gotta stay boy, but..

Just for a moment, this is our song

This is a moment, where you and I belong

Boy I've been waiting, I know you're waiting

No need to say it, 

so close your eyes boy..

Just for a moment.

Another state, another city got tired me out

Flashing lights of cameras flickerin' as people shout

It's not enough to hear my baby's voice over the phone

'Cause the only fan I care about is back home alone

They telling me that I got plenty o' time for a relationship

Told me to wait on it

'Cause ever since the day you came into my life

You were my favorite, don't know what to make of it

Looking through photos of us in my hotel room

After a couple shows you know I'll be back soon

So many sleepless nights..

Tossing, turning alone ain't right

Boy you know I'm impatiently yearning that

Traveling around the world without you

Has got me thinking about the day I found you

I'd climb the highest mountain tops to sing your name

Swim to the ocean floor,

just so I can see your face

If they only knew that I'm willing to give

to kiss my baby's lips

Boy I ain't faking it

And every time they add more time on the road

Boy I be hating it

I'm just not saying it

I almost left this life but you wouldn't let me

'Cause you knew that music is something that made me happy

So boy this one is for you

Every word that I sing is true

I'll be there beside you before you know it babe.

Georgina Wilson

No homo but..

why are you so hot?

Happy 61st monthsary my dah-ling Brent. Today is a very special day though were not together again. It doesn't matter. It's our 6th year together. 1st monthsary in our 6th year. Ah you make me so happy. I love you so much sweetie. You're the best boyfriend I ever had. Nobody could ever replace you. Thanks for understanding me. Thanks for accepting everything about me. 


I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

Dream Wedding

When I was younger, I always dream of having an extravagant wedding. I still want the same, if I have a choice but it doesn't matter anymore even it is just a civil wedding. The important thing is.. I will be getting married to someone I truly love. The one I want to spend my whole life with. The one I want to grow old with. 


If I'll be given a chance to plan my own wedding (I'm the lady, I should really be the one preparing the wedding. Leave the expenses to the groom. *wink) I still want to follow the tradition that the man would be the one spending for the wedding. That's why I chose a rich boyfriend. Duh? No, I am just kidding (a little) *grin


Okay, back to the topic. I originally like the idea of having a beach wedding (common nowadays, I know) but since I am living in the city and all of my friends and relatives too. I think it would be too pricey if we'll be shouldering the plane tickets and accommodation too. Of course if it would be beach wedding, I want somewhere like Boracay, Cebu or Palawan. So I'm kind of changing my plans now. 


Church wedding would be nice but my boyfriend isn't a Catholic. Not a Christian at all so I guess it would be a little awkward plus I assume his family (specially his mom) wouldn't like the idea at all. So I've thought of the best wedding ever, garden wedding!


Garden wedding would be really pretty plus you could do it anywhere in the city like maybe in some 5-star hotel or somewhere like Makati Polo Club to be specific. The reception could also take place there too. I mean, in the same area or nearby. Less cost for my future hubby. 


Honeymoon? I haven't thought of it yet. (I swear..) I am not picky at all. I won't demand going to Paris or Venice for honeymoon. We could always do that some other time. Somewhere nice will do. Hmm.


So how about my dream wedding gowns? I like short gowns. I'm barely 5 foot 1. I don't think I could carry a long gown.


I want something like this..

The background is beach

but it could be worn in

a garden wedding.

It's so simple.

I like the details

of this gown.

This isn't that short

but not long either.

I love the fluffiness.

I specially love the one 

in the left.

I also have for my groom too. I want him all white. I could imagine now.. Hmmm..

I think it would

look better if the

buttons are black though.

White is good!

So this is my dream wedding. I wish it would come true.

Lalalalala~

61 months of everlasting love

Will I always be there for you?

When you need someone, Will I be that one you need?

Will I do all my best to, to protect you?

When the tears get near your eyes

Will I be the one that's by your side? 

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?

Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life?

I promise, I promise

I promise I will 

Will I take tender care of you?

Take your darkest night and make it bright for you

Will I be there to make you strong and to lean on?

When this world has turned so cold

Will I be the one that's there to hold? 

You know the answer already.

10 hours before our 61st monthsary.

5 years and 1 month 
with my darling Brent 

means more than happiness.

Cookies made by me

specially for you 

Read Between The Lines

Jealous Me

I am jealous of my boyfriend's female colleagues. I know he loves only me. I am very much confident about it but I am jealous because they can see, touch, smell him while me? In my dreams. I hate this feeling. I will burst into tears any minute now. Anyway, I will hit the sack now. 

R-18

Since yesterday, I was wasting my time reading all the interesting threads in Pinoy Exchange. You can find anything.. as in anything there. Sports, school, love, health, sex, etc. You name it, its there. First, I looked into the health threads to look for some informations about several illness especially PCOS (which is not a disease. It's a syndrome). It's quite a relief seeing a lot of girls experiencing the same thing with me. It's good not to feel alone. I also went to the school section and found a lot of threads about my former school (uh-huh, former.... *sigh) CSB. Also, I checked some threads about call centers since I am planning to apply to that industry when I get back home (as if I have a choice..) Most of them are helpful. And lastly, I was hooked by this section called Intimacy and Passion. I was right, all threads were firing with you-know-what. Ohh, Filipinos.. tsk tsk. But then I am just a human and I like it, I got hooked 'specially with this thread called "Red Diary" where all PEXers (people who are members of PEX forums) share their ehem stories. I'm sick of watching porn (yes, i do. don't you?) where its so obvious that sex itself and dirty lines are all scripted. Since I love reading, I think it would be cool reading "real" confessions by "real" people.. yes? 


I know some bitches in real life. Those girls who would sleep with anyone not because of money but just because they're horny. *two thumbs up for them Fortunately, I am not one of them. Yay for me. I am B's sex slave. It's so funny when people think my boyfriend is "under". They have no idea how dominant he is in bed while they all think that I am the "boss" in our relationship. Think twice, hun! *wink


This is getting off the topic. (Ha-ha-ha!) Back to the topic. By reading the "red diary" forum/thread. I found that a lot of girls (take note! pretty, educated, well-mannered ladies) are actually SLUTS. Not just that, some of them are actually hooking up online. Like in Yahoo messenger, Mirc, etc. Hmm, looks could be really deceiving.. huh?


Well, my thoughts on that? As long as you're responsible of what you're doing.. go for it. If you get pregnant by an unknown father, be responsible for it. I'm against abortion, seriously. If you get sex transmitted disease, it's your fault. You have no one to blame but yourself. 


Just an advice, if you will hook up with random guys. Make sure they don't know each other or let me say, don't hook up men from the same social circle. You don't want guys comparing notes about you right?


Personally, I think sex is better done with someone you love or like. That's just an opinion. Well, I heard people saying about the excitement or thrill of doing it with a stranger. Ahhh.. I don't care. 


I feel sad for girls who are labeled "bitches, whores, sluts, etc.." I mean, maybe yes they deserve it but.. its just so sad.

Good night Sleep

My neck hurts! Ahhh! Maybe its because I slept with 3 pillows under my head. It hurts till now. It isn't a stiff neck though. I don't know. But I rather have this than feeling nauseous all day! I was talking to my mama a while ago over the phone and she was crying. Same old issues. I hope she could just get over those people who left her just because she has no money already. God knows. God knows. 


My boyfriend was hospitalized a while ago because of his childish sister! That brat. She's older than me but she thinks like a kiddo! Uh-huh, childish than my boyfriend! No wonder they're siblings. But Brent is more of a baby.. he's my baby. Anyways, he got 25k from my boyfriend's wallet. Brent got freaked out and his blood pressure went high so he was rushed to the hospital. Poor brent ><;


I think I will have a good sleep tonight. My boyfriend called me up. Sweet. I heard his voice again. I can't stop smiling.

What's up today?

It's middle of winter today and it's getting cold everyday. It's not cold today though. Tolerable and ughh, the condominium's elevator is under maintenance for one month! So we have to take the stairs if were going out. We live in the 7th floor. Too much hassle! I can't go out. I hate climbing the stairs. I have weak legs. I easily get tired. Anyways, I haven't posted for quite a while now. That is because nothing really interesting is happening to me lately. I'm always sick for the past two weeks. I am not quite sure if it is the side effect of prescribed hormonal pills I am taking right now. I am feeling sort of better now except for the migraine. 


I feel sad for my best friend, Jade. There's this girl who is always picking a fight on her. I actually don't understand why. I mean, it's actually her who did a lot of crap to my friend and yet, she's the one who is mad? Is she insane? Well, I don't have to question that because I think she is! Ahhh i hate her. Why do people like her even exist? She may have everything but that doesn't mean she can do everything to everyone. Karma will be around. Jade is a very good person. She doesn't deserve it. I think she had enough "punishment" for being you-know-what. But she's a changed woman already. And besides, whatever she is.. I still love her. 


I hate my boyfriend's new job. I actually forgot what work is it. Mechanical something? Officer? Whatever. I don't care. He was earning 100k++ in his previous job and he was a M-A-N-A-G-E-R!
And now, I don't know. He's just earning around 30k++. That's the first thing he told me. But a while ago, he told me his salary is 60k. Oh really? Salary increase in just 2 weeks? Whatever. But that is not the point, there's a lot of girls in his office who is flirting him! They know that Brent has a wife already but grrr! I hate it. He's mine!




I'm nervous. On the 26th will be my boyfriend's operation. Hope it will be successful and on the 27th is my another check-up. Hope the results will be negative. Oh God, hear me out!

Today's Horoscope

This is so accurate.

I've been experiencing indigestion,

nausea and migraine for the

past few days

and I think its because

I am mentally stressed out.

And yes,

because of finances, 

investments and debts!

Dear Papa,

no matter where I go in life,

who I get married to, 

how much time I spend with guys,

how much I love my boyfriend,

how much I talk about my boyfriend,

you'll always be my number one man.

Sincerely,

your little girl

Tumblr

At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap. When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him by never even bothering to practice. When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out of the car and never looking back. When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row. When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house. When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste. When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter. When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked. When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him by taking it every chance you could. When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night. When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn. When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of your friends. When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you how deep he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the country. When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children. And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART. If you love your dad, reblog.

Morph

Its kinda messy. Hehe.

Brent and I's baby :)

Pressure

My aunt told me if I want to, I could go home on the 16th of February so I could be there on my late father's 53th birthday. She was asking my mother but she never replied. I am already sensing that she doesn't want me to go home. A while ago, we were chatting via facebook and asked her if I could go home on the said date. She was reasoning a lot of shallow things like I might be lazy again or I might fight with my sisters. I know her. She doesn't want me to go home. Period. A month ago, she told me that I could go back after all the things are settled here in Japan. We got the money already.. so there's nothing left here for me to do. 


If I am studying here or maybe working.. I won't insist of going back but hey look at me, I am a bummer for 5 months now. I am physically and mentally unhealthy. I want a life. I am turning 22 this year. I need to do something about my life.


Damn, I told my boyfriend about this and asked him if its okay that maybe I will just go back on April, May or June. He said no. Okay, talk about pressure. F*ck, I am getting insane.


Mom doesn't want me to go home and she also doesn't want me to go and be with my boyfriend in Malaysia. What am I suppose to do? Stuck here? I am not working here. No income. I want to go back to school or maybe establish a career in whatever field.


I'm 21 and I can't decide for myself. Not because I can't but because they don't let me!

I miss you.

I love you.
I will marry you.

Sad truth.

The truth is no one really fully understand me because no one exactly know what is happening to me. I am all by myself. I grew tired explaining myself to people around me. Waste of energy.. 'cause they will never understand me. My boyfriend can't understand me. I was expecting he will be the first   one in the list who will understand me but no, and it's very disappointing. Sometimes I talk to him about my problems but he always tells me its my mother's fault. It doesn't help at all. I want to talk to my best friend but its very hard for me to reach her. Besides, she's always busy with her job and son. 


I am crying again. All I could do is to type this because no one will listen to me. Tomorrow, I will be having my check-up to an ObGyne. Tomorrow, I will know if there is something wrong with my ovaries. My boyfriend told me, if ever my results will be bad, he won't pursue his operation scheduled on the 26th. It was another stab in my heart. Why can't he go on with his life? Why does he have to depend all his decisions on me? It is not flattering. He told me he understands me but the truth, he doesn't. Because if he does for real, he will not hurt me like this. He would at least try to lessen the pain. He's been to clingy that he doesn't realize he's been hurting me.


The other day, he texted me and asked me if I know someone named Sean something. Because that Sean told him that he has an ex-girlfriend named Mika. He asked me if I have an ex-boyfriend named Sean. I don't think I had one. I don't remember.. I am sure. And he's been hysterically shouting at me and asked if how many boyfriends I had in the past.. that I couldn't even remember if I've dated someone named Sean. (Ouch.) I don't know what is happening to him but I am trying to understand him. 


He turned into a very different person. I don't think I still know him. I love him so much.. but I don't think I still know him. Sometimes I am thinking that.. "does he really love me? or he just needs me? Baka sanay lang siya na nandyan ako.."


I've been his daily routine for the past five years. I used to wake him up to get ready for work, I iron his clothes, I prepare for his food, I give him a good massage, I make him laugh and smile all the time, I wipe his tears.. Baka natatakot lang siya na mawala lahat to.. pag nawala ako.

Back to Reality

More or less two months, I will be going back to Philippines.. that is, if my medical results are negative. Wish me luck. I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. There is one part of me that wants to stay in Japan longer. Yeah, its been hard for me to live with my aunt. She's nice and all that but sometimes she turns into a monster. But thinking of going back to Philippines somehow scares me. Once I get there, I will be back to reality. I am sure I am mature enough to handle the stress but it still scares me.. I wonder what will happen to me? *sigh*