Year 2009 will be officially gone in 3 hours. Its a relief for me honestly. I can't recall any good memories except for Jade and I's journey during her pregnancy which was really unforgettable but aside from that, I can't think of any. It was pretty bad at all. Hope year 2010 will be way way way better than sucky 2009.
First thing on the list, I BADLY want to be with my boyfriend. I miss him a lot. More than words could ever say. Second, good health for all of us. Third, no financial problem! *cross fingers* recession, duh.
I wish 2010 would be a GREAT YEAR for all of us! Specially for me and my sweetie.
Time flies so fast. I've been missing a lot of things.. specially the good times of being an innocent child.
Like that little Mika in the picture, she seems so happy there, opposite of the Mika in the present.
If I could just turn back time... I want to be a kid again. No stress. All happy.
L-R: Tita Nora, cousin Angel, Me and cousin Bhel.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
My life s hella CRAZY :
but..
I'm still coping up.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Exactly 22 days before Christmas. And still, I can't feel it.
Less than a month to go and year 2009 will be over. A year wherein I wasn't happy at all. It was a bad year, after all... How about 2010? I'm wondering... and wishing it will be a good one. I deserve it.
These past few days, I was trying to get rid of my boyfriend because he puts me into a lot of stress. I hate him being too childish and over protective. I even thought of breaking up with him so we could be independent from each other.
Last Friday, he was AGAIN engaged into a fight with a stranger.A trouble started from the "parking space" issue. I don't really know the whole story yet but I know it wasn't really serious.. He had a broken rib. And ummm, yes.. He needed to undergo a minor operation.
I was in deep depression. Things have been really tough for me lately and here we go again, another problem. Another cause of my depression.
I was on my way to school a while ago. I rode a bus, while I am inside it. Things have been running in my mind... that I need my boyfriend more than anything else. That, I really love him. Maybe I just got tired. Who doesn't, right? It is a normal thing... that I can't bare to lose him. I miss it when he keeps on calling me and asks me where am I, who I am with.. bla, bla, bla. I miss it when he wants me to baby him. I realized.. that I actually love him being childish and over protective. This must be a wake up call for me and I am very thankful God listened to all my prayers. He's okay now, by the way. He called me up a while ago. Just hoping for a fast recovery.
We welcomed Bryce Jaden to the real world. Yes, yes it's true! My dear friend Jade already gave birth. I went to the lying in clinic around 8PM. Thinking that it maybe a false alarm again, I wasn't really that worried that much. But when I got inside her room, she was in real pain. I stayed beside her all night. I was holding her hand and I could feel she was terribly gripping it when her tummy is contracting. When she couldn't hold it anymore.. the midwife already decided to bring her inside the delivery room. I didn't go inside because i was nervous like everyone else. I could feel the tension in the air. And it is my first time to encounter this kind of situation. A real woman giving birth. I thought I could only see it in movies but then it happened...
After several pushes, the baby went out. But.. the baby didn't cry. We were in shock and everyone started crying because the baby supposes to cry but then he didn't. We thought he might be dead or... I don't know. I was clueless... blank... The midwife had to pump his mouth to give him oxygen, and put two tiny hose inside his nostrils and they did something more... after 10 minutes or less, the baby cried.. at last. Thank you Lord.
It was a very memorable experience for me. Seeing a woman giving birth in actual, especially that it is my friend. My baby weighed 2.5kg, that is around 5.5lbs. He has chubby cheeks, chinky eyes, fair skin, and black hair. Cute, indeed. I hope he'll be a good kid someday. I can't wait to see inaanak again!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
"Everything that is happening in our lives has a purpose, be it something good or something bad. It never willed our lives to be like hell. So when a turning point seems so terrible, later you would notice that a wonderful thing compensates for the seemingly hopeless incident. Very often than not, our lives become better; and that is what they call- a blessing in disguise."
There would always be problems. We will never run out of it. We just have to be tough and strong enough to face it. Everything happens for a reason. We just always have to look at the brighter side of the situation.
Here I am again feeling blue. Life is indeed.. unfair. People come and go, just like what they did. I've loved several men but with some reasons they just left me. I had friends whom I thought they will be with me through ups and downs but sadly they're gone now. I don't know who are true to me and who are not. I am so confused and.. pressured. I am hoping that my current boyfriend will be my partner for life but I couldn't tell that yet. I love him, I trust him.. but this is reality.. in one snap he could find someone else, especially with the kind of relationship were having.. long distance relationship rarely works. 99% unguaranteed.
I am kind of saving myself from having fake people around me. I don't want to invest too much in a friendship. If they need me, okay I'll be there. If they don't want me anymore, okay fine, no problem. Friends come and go. I just wish friends could be contractual. If they want to continue being friends with me, then please sign the contract but if they want to get rid of me, okay just resign.
It is not really healthy to be dependent to people around me. Because at the end of the day, it would still be YOU alone lying on your bed. I was born alone, so I guess I would die alone too.
Life has full of surprises. Some are heartbreaking, most of the time actually. But that's life, imperfect.. and that's make it perfect.
I am currently addicted into something.. It is Janice and Sonia's cover of Officially Missing You by Tamia. I like the way they sung it. They have angelic voices plus gorgeous faces. If I am not mistaken, they are Korean twins based in Australia.
So there, take some time to check their video! You won't regret it.
I had a check up last Thursday at Makati Medical Center. I decided to change my ObGyne for some reasons. So there, I had new set of medicines but luckily I don't have to undergo the same laboratory tests again, like what I did six months ago. She just told me to have a breast ultrasound so she could determine if I have lumps on my breasts because if there is she'll let me stop taking the pills and she also told me to have a cervical cancer vaccine and guess what it costs 3000PHP each shot and I need three shots. So all in all, I'll spend 9,000PHP plus 2,5000PHP for my ultrasound. So help me God.
---
The doctor told me I need to be strict when it comes to my food. I have to have a healthy lifestyle so I tried googling a while ago for some healthy recepies. When I found a site specially made for Filipinos. You have to take a look!
It's already late midnight and I couldn't sleep yet, as usual. I could feel my eyes are already tired and sleepy but my brain doesn't stop working. I've been thinking a lot of things about myself and about people around me. Currently, I am chatting with Ate Joevy's girlfriend and were talking about Jade's condition. Like me, she also feel pity for Jade and told me no one really knows what is the real reason behind Jade's pregnancy, especially about the baby's father issue. Of course, knowing myself.. I shut my mouth. I know everything but I have no right to say anything so I just went with the flow. She told me she wanted to help but she couldn't because she also have set of priorities which is I understand. I pity my friend for experiencing all these kind of sufferings. I can't say she deserves this because she has been a good person but as we all know, certain actions have consequences. I won't say it anymore here what she really did because it is her personal life but as for my personal views, there are a lot of people who deserve such thing more than her. I always tell her that she shouldn't lose hope and she should stay tough because her baby need her more than anything else. She should take this all as trials. After all of this, I know.. something good will happen next. Let's just wait and see...
People say long distance relationships don't last really that long for so many reasons. Lack of time, found somebody else, etc but then we have our own stories.. and mine works, until now. It wasn't really easy at all but its really worth it if you really love your partner. I took it as a trial.
Two years ago, I still remember when my boyfriend told me he'll be going back to Malaysia to pursue his studies (he's a Malaysian, btw) because that is what his family wants and besides his dad ditched all their businesses here in the Philippines. I begged for him not to go.. I even asked him if we'll be breaking up but he said no.
I still remember that day. September 5, 2007. Exactly five days before my 18th birthday. His flight going to Malaysia. I had no escort, so I rather have no debut party. I'm missing him a lot... until right this moment.
As what I've said, it wasn't really easy at all. Lately, my boyfriend gets sick frequently and I badly want to take care of him. Cook his food, bring it to his bed, give him a sponge bath, prepare his clothes, let him take his medicines, wipe his back when it becomes sweaty. I missed doing it but heck, all I could do for now is talk to him over the phone. I'm like his phone pal slash virtual girlfriend. It is like I am invisible or an imaginary girlfriend. I want to be right there- in flesh.
Time will come. I love him a lot. I could wait. It's worth it. Oh God, give me strength.
Today was an another bad day. I don't know where should I go with this kind of feeling. I am in pain and no one understands me, so I won't utter any word to them because it would be useless.
My boyfriend and I are fighting right at this moment because he thinks I am being over protected to him but he doesn't really understand why am I doing this to him. I don't want him to party at night with his friends because I am already traumatized for what happened to him before.. he's a natural trouble maker- his looks and of course, I am avoiding the "girls". Next, he wants to play basketaball. How could I let him play basketball when he's always having a hard time breathing? He might faint again like what happened months ago. He wants to race. God, everyone knows it dangerous! Who in world would let his loved one do something unsafe? But yet, he doesn't understand.. he would never understand me. I am doing this for his own sake, not mine. I am not being selfish. I love him so much but I know I am hurting him already. What should I do? Let him go? Loosen up? I really don't know. I am so confused. I love him, that is all I know..
I guess God has purposes why things happened today, actually really did happen. Today was depressing in general.
I accompanied my dear friend to PGH (Philippine General Hospital) to have her first pre-natal check up there because she was planning to give birth there by next month, CS section. But unfortunately, the OB-Gyne in charge told us that she should have at least six pre-natal check ups before she could be considered as a patient or else she might be requested to go to the other hospital. So as her mom advised us, we transferred to Dr. Fabella Memorial Hospital. Man, nightmare started here.
Fabella is known as "bahay paanakan" so as what I've expected as we enter the OPD, pregnant women are everywhere the area. Weve waited so long before my friend was called for an interview. Talking about bad luck, after the interview was the staff's lunch break. Check ups will resume in one hour. ONE HOUR!Damn. We couldn't wait any longer besides we were there like since 9AM and my friend was having a hard time breathing. So she was rushed to the emergency room......
... Only patients were allowed inside the ER, so I waited at the waiting area outside the ER when I saw a lot of things that strucked me down. There was a young lady near me who was having a hard time laboring. Her dress has blood stains and she was crying and complaining to her mom about the pain she was feeling and the doctors didn't even care. The hospital's janitress even told her "maglakad lakad ka kasi! para matadtad ka! hindi yun iiyak iyak ka diyan!" I was like "what the F? you're just a janitress here!" I pity all the people who were struggling there but wasn't really prioritized because they have no money.
Pretty much, my day was bad. My boyfriend was rushed into the hospital by his dad because he fainted in their office. Maybe out of stress, I don't know. I haven't talk to him yet because he was confined for tonight, I don't know till when. I feel bad because his dad was so mad and told brent that he's already grew tired taking care of him. I was like "what the F! It is not Brent's fault that he gets sick most of the time.Who in the world would choose to be ill, right?" I just don't understand. If he only knew, Brent would do anything for them. I am trying to understand his dad. Maybe he is stressed out and problematic, but who isn't? Everyone has problems. We shouldn't say something like that. When our friend told us what Brent's dad told him.. I bursted into tears. If I only have enough money and courage to fully take care of him, I would. *sigh* I really don't know what to do. I don't know the whole story yet but hope everything will turn out fine soon. The doctor told them that Brent's heart ailment is the cause of his unconciousness. I hope it's nothing serious. I couldn't bear losing him. Please Lord, don't let this happen. We've been through a lot.
It's all saints' day now. Like the surroundings, i feel blue. I feel sad since last night because of random things. I envy those people who have met their real friends. I've met a lot of people but only few I could call "true". Some of them would just befriend me because of the benefits they could take from me. Users, I per se. Some of them would just reach me if they need something. It's really sad when you don't know who are true to you and who are not. It hurts but yes, reality bites.
Oh well then, belated happy halloween everyone!
*sigh*, hope I could visit my grandpa's grave in Japan.
Friday, October 30, 2009
one and only person in mind survey. isip ka ng ISANG tao:
i-base mo sa kanya ang mga isasagot mo. WALANG ibahan ng naiisip.
1. friend mo ba siya sa facebook? -- Nope, he has no facebook.
2. bakit siya napili mo sa survey na 'to? -- Because he is someone special.
3. anong songs ang naaalala mo sa kanya? -- Crazy over you.
4. bakit? -- That would be our wedding song :)
5. okay ba ang height? -- Okay? Haha. He's tall.
6. magaling ba sumayaw? -- Heck yes.
7. may kamukha ba siyang artista? -- Yes, haha. A taiwanese actor.
8. nakita mo na siyang magalit? -- A lot of times and yes, it was scary.
9. eh ngumiti? -- Yes ;)
10. eh umiyak? -- Yea, haha. Cry baby.
11. ano fave niya suotin? -- Black sando and boxers. Haha!
12. pinapasaya ka ba niya? -- Every single day :)
13. naging malaking parte ba sya ng buhay mo? -- He gives meaning to my life.
14. bagay na nakakapagpaalala sayo tungkol sa kanya? -- Err, a lot.
15. friends ba kayo? -- More than that. 16. may binigay na ba sya sayo? -- A lot.
17. message mo sa kanya? -- I miss you!
I answered this survey while waiting for his call. Tagal!
It's our DAY today. It's our 46th monthsary. 3 years and 10 months. Though were not together physically, I know our hearts still beat for each other. Everyday I am loving him more and more.. And I won't stop loving him. I love you Brent Meng :)
Happy happy 46th monthsary. Hoping to see you very very soon
How could he loves me this much? More than his life. More than everything else. He always dream about us. About our future. He wouldn't have second thoughts of risking anything just for me. He gives me everything I want, even things I didn't even ask for. He wants me to marry me, build a family with me and grow old with me. Do I deserve a guy like this? Oh God, is this a dream? Cause if it is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up.
so quick to take but so afraid to give enough. But now I've found the one and heaven will only know what only my eyes can say and time can't take away.
I was a girl who trusted no one with my heart
and the dreams that young girls dream were just vanishing in the dark. But now I've found the one and heaven will only know what only my eyes can say they say -
That I will take you forever
and there will never be anyone else in my heart but you. And I will take you forever
and there will never be anyone else but you anyone else but you.
Now my touch belongs to you and I will always be your best friend
now my secrets are safe with you and the magic will never end. Now you are the one and heaven will only know what only our eyes can say they say -
That I will take you forever
and there will never be anyone else in my heart but you. And I will take you forever
and there will never be anyone else but you anyone else but you
anyone else but you.
That I will take you forever
That I will take you forever
That I will take you forever
Monday, September 28, 2009
"Always say i love you before i go to sleep if i die before i'm awake then i take your love with me every second i'm away from you feels like misery cuz i know where i really want to be i know its been hard me not being there bheibhy i don't want you thinking that i don't really care and i know that your feeling like i'm being unfair but your love is with me everywhere."
I miss you so mucccccchhhhhh, my love :)
Happy monthsary, once again. No more big fights, promise.. I'll be a good girl na.
Saturday, today.. And for the first time, I was home the whole day! Geez, originally.. my plan was to go to Bulacan with Jade and stay there till Monday.
But my dear boyfriend didn't allow me to (as usual, duh.)
So there, I bummed around the whole day. I did nothing but to eat, lie down on my bed, surf the net, soundtripping and watching the TV. Spell LAZY. M-I-K-A.
And unfortunately, Ish went to MOA with her friends,
Yna went to Star City with our relatives and my boyfriend went to a meeting which will be extended till tomorrow or worse, till Monday.
BOO myself. But on the brighter side, I have to make sulit of this 3 day vacation because on Tuesday,
This week has its own special ups and downs. My precious mom and I argued about money matter, thinking of unwinding, I slept at a friend's place. When I came back after a night, things are still the same the way I left it..
Oo nga naman, kahit takasan mo problema mo.. Ganun padin.. Walang magbabago.. Kung di mo haharapin..
But then, it hurts at times. So all you could is to go away, for a while. Not permanently..
But I always stick in my mind that I should live longer, not because of selfish reasons but because there are also people who would feel incomplete without me.
I had my post birthday celebration at The Fort Global City with the usuals, Jade and Ish. We ate at Friday's. Then after that, we went to the nearby mall, Market! Market! to check out some phones and I had an eye for Nokia E66, N79 and 5730 Express Music. Hope I'll have one of those!! :>
After checking some phones, we decided to watch some flick and err, we watched the super grosssssss, The Final Destination. Honestly, it wasn't worth the money. Although the lead actor was a hottie. *drool* Still, morbid. Ugh.
It was a fine day, after all. Tomorrow, I'd be going to the school to get some subjects.. Hope I could still have a good schedule! *sad* Please, I need some good crap this term.
You are a very charismatic person. People love to be in touch with you. You are self sacrificing in your relationships. Yo...u are like a coconut - tough outside but sensitive at heart. At times, you love to indulge in artistic and creative ventures. Take care that people don't take advantage of your helpful nature.
09.10.09 It's my 20th birthday. Mixed emotions. Happy because God gave me another birthday to celebrate and sad, because teenage years are over. Pfff!
It's already past 1PM, and I am still bumming around my room. I really don't have plans for today. I'll go to church tomorrow and treat my friends for lunch..
That's it.
Dad called me a while ago and asked if what phone I want to have. I told him N96. I was suppose to say N97, but I remembered it is a touchscreen phone. Me no likey.
*Sighs* I want to talk to my boyfriend right now but he's asleep. He's sick.. So even though I want to wake him up, I rather not.. He needs a lot of rest. My poor baby.
I fell in love with you, T'was like a dream come true And my love for you will never end oh no Was such a special night You lay right by my side And I told you things I never told a soul And now that I have you babe I promise I'll never leave Cuz you are the only one that makes my life complete... And I'm, Crazy over you, I dont know what to do, I'm Crazy over you... A love that never ends You're more than just a friend And my heart and soul I'll always give to you, The only in my life
Someday you'll be my husband, And I'll be with you until the end of time... And now that I have you babe I promise I'll never leave Cuz you are the only one that makes my love complete... It doesnt matter what you say or do Because I love you (And I know you love me too) Love me, kiss me, and hold me in your arms Lets me know you're crazy over me And I'm Crazy over you Cuz you are the only one, To make my life complete...
To the man I am so in love with right now, you know who you are..
I want you to know that I regret it when I asked you.. "What if you are not the one?"
I know it hella hurts, and yes I felt the same way too..
I know.. I know.. I know God gave you to me.. To be my partner for a lifetime.
Two days before my 20th birthday, and my long time wish is still impossible to happen, for now. I want to spend it with my dear boyfriend but then he couldn't go back in the P.I. for several reasonable explanations. I do, understand. Totally? No. I guess.
Still problematic. Still lonely. I wish there's something special will happen on my birthday. Something memorable, perhaps.
But I rather lock myself in my room on that day. I'll just call my boyfriend and spend my whole birthday talking to him over the phone..
It will make me happy. At least, I could feel his presence..
On this day of your life, Mika, we believe God wants you to know... ... that God has an important purpose for you, and made everything possible for you to succeed.
That's not to say it's an easy purpose, or a convenient one. It might very well seem hard or even impossible, but it only looks that way. The truth is that one day you will look back and see how all the pieces fit together. And how your life has been a complete and utter success.
So far, it was a very great day. Teehee! My uber close friend Jade's pre-natal check up turned out very good, although yea, another two-week bed rest but I am hoping she could go back to working ASAP. She needs moolah, c'mon!
And she had her ultrasound too. And the gender is.. *tentenentenen!* BOOOOOY! :) And she'll name him, Brylie Jaden.
I was the one who gave that name. So maybe we'll call him, BRY?
Whatever. Three months to go. Can't wait.
So there, after her check up, we went straight to SSS Diliman branch to get her SSS I.D. but unfortunately, we have to go back this coming Friday.
Another long ride, P'que to QC. *sobs* It was fun though.
After that, we both craved to Red Mango's frozen yoghurt. So went to Greenbelt 3 to satisfy our cravings.
Mika and Jade's another adventure ended here.
But while I am typing this entry, she's sleeping in my bed. BOO. *haha*
