The wake up call.

These past few days, I was trying to get rid of my boyfriend because he puts me into a lot of stress. I hate him being too childish and over protective. I even thought of breaking up with him so we could be independent from each other.

Last Friday, he was AGAIN engaged into a fight with a stranger.A trouble started from the "parking space" issue. I don't really know the whole story yet but I know it wasn't really serious.. He had a broken rib. And ummm, yes.. He needed to undergo a minor operation.

I was in deep depression. Things have been really tough for me lately and here we go again, another problem. Another cause of my depression.

I was on my way to school a while ago. I rode a bus, while I am inside it. Things have been running in my mind... that I need my boyfriend more than anything else. That, I really love him. Maybe I just got tired. Who doesn't, right? It is a normal thing... that I can't bare to lose him. I miss it when he keeps on calling me and asks me where am I, who I am with.. bla, bla, bla. I miss it when he wants me to baby him. I realized.. that I actually love him being childish and over protective. This must be a wake up call for me and I am very thankful God listened to all my prayers. He's okay now, by the way. He called me up a while ago. Just hoping for a fast recovery.

Bryce Jaden.

November 20, 2009.
11:45PM


We welcomed Bryce Jaden to the real world. Yes, yes it's true! My dear friend Jade already gave birth. I went to the lying in clinic around 8PM. Thinking that it maybe a false alarm again, I wasn't really that worried that much. But when I got inside her room, she was in real pain. I stayed beside her all night. I was holding her hand and I could feel she was terribly gripping it when her tummy is contracting. When she couldn't hold it anymore.. the midwife already decided to bring her inside the delivery room. I didn't go inside because i was nervous like everyone else. I could feel the tension in the air. And it is my first time to encounter this kind of situation. A real woman giving birth. I thought I could only see it in movies but then it happened...


After several pushes, the baby went out. But.. the baby didn't cry. We were in shock and everyone started crying because the baby supposes to cry but then he didn't. We thought he might be dead or... I don't know. I was clueless... blank... The midwife had to pump his mouth to give him oxygen, and put two tiny hose inside his nostrils and they did something more... after 10 minutes or less, the baby cried.. at last. Thank you Lord.


It was a very memorable experience for me. Seeing a woman giving birth in actual, especially that it is my friend. My baby weighed 2.5kg, that is around 5.5lbs. He has chubby cheeks, chinky eyes, fair skin, and black hair. Cute, indeed. I hope he'll be a good kid someday. I can't wait to see inaanak again!

"Everything that is happening in our lives has a purpose, be it something good or something bad. It never willed our lives to be like hell. So when a turning point seems so terrible, later you would notice that a wonderful thing compensates for the seemingly hopeless incident. Very often than not, our lives become better; and that is what they call- a blessing in disguise."



There would always be problems. We will never run out of it. We just have to be tough and strong enough to face it. Everything happens for a reason. We just always have to look at the brighter side of the situation.

Here's the reality.

Here I am again feeling blue. Life is indeed.. unfair. People come and go, just like what they did. I've loved several men but with some reasons they just left me. I had friends whom I thought they will be with me through ups and downs but sadly they're gone now. I don't know who are true to me and who are not. I am so confused and.. pressured. I am hoping that my current boyfriend will be my partner for life but I couldn't tell that yet. I love him, I trust him.. but this is reality.. in one snap he could find someone else, especially with the kind of relationship were having.. long distance relationship rarely works. 99% unguaranteed.

I am kind of saving myself from having fake people around me. I don't want to invest too much in a friendship. If they need me, okay I'll be there. If they don't want me anymore, okay fine, no problem. Friends come and go. I just wish friends could be contractual. If they want to continue being friends with me, then please sign the contract but if they want to get rid of me, okay just resign.


It is not really healthy to be dependent to people around me. Because at the end of the day, it would still be YOU alone lying on your bed. I was born alone, so I guess I would die alone too.


Life has full of surprises. Some are heartbreaking, most of the time actually. But that's life, imperfect.. and that's make it perfect.

Latest addiction.

I am currently addicted into something.. It is Janice and Sonia's cover of Officially Missing You by Tamia. I like the way they sung it. They have angelic voices plus gorgeous faces. If I am not mistaken, they are Korean twins based in Australia.


So there, take some time to check their video!
You won't regret it.



xoxo

Happy life style.

I had a check up last Thursday at Makati Medical Center. I decided to change my ObGyne for some reasons. So there, I had new set of medicines but luckily I don't have to undergo the same laboratory tests again, like what I did six months ago. She just told me to have a breast ultrasound so she could determine if I have lumps on my breasts because if there is she'll let me stop taking the pills and she also told me to have a cervical cancer vaccine and guess what it costs 3000PHP each shot and I need three shots. So all in all, I'll spend 9,000PHP plus 2,5000PHP for my ultrasound. So help me God.





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The doctor told me I need to be strict when it comes to my food. I have to have a healthy lifestyle so I tried googling a while ago for some healthy recepies. When I found a site specially made for Filipinos. You have to take a look!


Here's the link..

filipinovegetarianrecipe





Have fun!

Trials will make us a good person.

It's already late midnight and I couldn't sleep yet, as usual. I could feel my eyes are already tired and sleepy but my brain doesn't stop working. I've been thinking a lot of things about myself and about people around me. Currently, I am chatting with Ate Joevy's girlfriend and were talking about Jade's condition. Like me, she also feel pity for Jade and told me no one really knows what is the real reason behind Jade's pregnancy, especially about the baby's father issue. Of course, knowing myself.. I shut my mouth. I know everything but I have no right to say anything so I just went with the flow. She told me she wanted to help but she couldn't because she also have set of priorities which is I understand. I pity my friend for experiencing all these kind of sufferings. I can't say she deserves this because she has been a good person but as we all know, certain actions have consequences. I won't say it anymore here what she really did because it is her personal life but as for my personal views, there are a lot of people who deserve such thing more than her. I always tell her that she shouldn't lose hope and she should stay tough because her baby need her more than anything else. She should take this all as trials. After all of this, I know.. something good will happen next. Let's just wait and see...

I personally like this. It is just very true.

LDR

People say long distance relationships don't last really that long for so many reasons. Lack of time, found somebody else, etc but then we have our own stories.. and mine works, until now. It wasn't really easy at all but its really worth it if you really love your partner. I took it as a trial.

Two years ago, I still remember when my boyfriend told me he'll be going back to Malaysia to pursue his studies (he's a Malaysian, btw) because that is what his family wants and besides his dad ditched all their businesses here in the Philippines. I begged for him not to go.. I even asked him if we'll be breaking up but he said no.

I still remember that day. September 5, 2007. Exactly five days before my 18th birthday. His flight going to Malaysia. I had no escort, so I rather have no debut party. I'm missing him a lot... until right this moment.

As what I've said, it wasn't really easy at all. Lately, my boyfriend gets sick frequently and I badly want to take care of him. Cook his food, bring it to his bed, give him a sponge bath, prepare his clothes, let him take his medicines, wipe his back when it becomes sweaty. I missed doing it but heck, all I could do for now is talk to him over the phone. I'm like his phone pal slash virtual girlfriend. It is like I am invisible or an imaginary girlfriend. I want to be right there- in flesh.

Time will come. I love him a lot. I could wait. It's worth it.
Oh God, give me strength.

Confused.

Today was an another bad day. I don't know where should I go with this kind of feeling. I am in pain and no one understands me, so I won't utter any word to them because it would be useless.

My boyfriend and I are fighting right at this moment because he thinks I am being over protected to him but he doesn't really understand why am I doing this to him. I don't want him to party at night with his friends because I am already traumatized for what happened to him before.. he's a natural trouble maker- his looks and of course, I am avoiding the "girls". Next, he wants to play basketaball. How could I let him play basketball when he's always having a hard time breathing? He might faint again like what happened months ago. He wants to race. God, everyone knows it dangerous! Who in world would let his loved one do something unsafe? But yet, he doesn't understand.. he would never understand me. I am doing this for his own sake, not mine. I am not being selfish. I love him so much but I know I am hurting him already. What should I do? Let him go? Loosen up? I really don't know. I am so confused. I love him, that is all I know..

In love :)

Realization --

I guess God has purposes why things happened today, actually really did happen. Today was depressing in general.

I accompanied my dear friend to PGH (Philippine General Hospital) to have her first pre-natal check up there because she was planning to give birth there by next month, CS section. But unfortunately, the OB-Gyne in charge told us that she should have at least six pre-natal check ups before she could be considered as a patient or else she might be requested to go to the other hospital. So as her mom advised us, we transferred to Dr. Fabella Memorial Hospital. Man, nightmare started here.

Fabella is known as "bahay paanakan" so as what I've expected as we enter the OPD, pregnant women are everywhere the area. Weve waited so long before my friend was called for an interview. Talking about bad luck, after the interview was the staff's lunch break. Check ups will resume in one hour. ONE HOUR! Damn. We couldn't wait any longer besides we were there like since 9AM and my friend was having a hard time breathing. So she was rushed to the emergency room......


... Only patients were allowed inside the ER, so I waited at the waiting area outside the ER when I saw a lot of things that strucked me down. There was a young lady near me who was having a hard time laboring. Her dress has blood stains and she was crying and complaining to her mom about the pain she was feeling and the doctors didn't even care. The hospital's janitress even told her "maglakad lakad ka kasi! para matadtad ka! hindi yun iiyak iyak ka diyan!" I was like "what the F? you're just a janitress here!" I pity all the people who were struggling there but wasn't really prioritized because they have no money.


If I could just help them, I would. *sigh*

Lord, hear me.

Pretty much, my day was bad. My boyfriend was rushed into the hospital by his dad because he fainted in their office. Maybe out of stress, I don't know. I haven't talk to him yet because he was confined for tonight, I don't know till when. I feel bad because his dad was so mad and told brent that he's already grew tired taking care of him. I was like "what the F! It is not Brent's fault that he gets sick most of the time.Who in the world would choose to be ill, right?" I just don't understand. If he only knew, Brent would do anything for them. I am trying to understand his dad. Maybe he is stressed out and problematic, but who isn't? Everyone has problems. We shouldn't say something like that. When our friend told us what Brent's dad told him.. I bursted into tears. If I only have enough money and courage to fully take care of him, I would. *sigh* I really don't know what to do. I don't know the whole story yet but hope everything will turn out fine soon. The doctor told them that Brent's heart ailment is the cause of his unconciousness. I hope it's nothing serious. I couldn't bear losing him. Please Lord, don't let this happen. We've been through a lot.

True or not?

It's all saints' day now. Like the surroundings, i feel blue. I feel sad since last night because of random things. I envy those people who have met their real friends. I've met a lot of people but only few I could call "true". Some of them would just befriend me because of the benefits they could take from me. Users, I per se. Some of them would just reach me if they need something. It's really sad when you don't know who are true to you and who are not. It hurts but yes, reality bites.


Oh well then, belated happy halloween everyone!


*sigh*, hope I could visit my grandpa's grave in Japan.