I personally like this. It is just very true.

LDR

People say long distance relationships don't last really that long for so many reasons. Lack of time, found somebody else, etc but then we have our own stories.. and mine works, until now. It wasn't really easy at all but its really worth it if you really love your partner. I took it as a trial.

Two years ago, I still remember when my boyfriend told me he'll be going back to Malaysia to pursue his studies (he's a Malaysian, btw) because that is what his family wants and besides his dad ditched all their businesses here in the Philippines. I begged for him not to go.. I even asked him if we'll be breaking up but he said no.

I still remember that day. September 5, 2007. Exactly five days before my 18th birthday. His flight going to Malaysia. I had no escort, so I rather have no debut party. I'm missing him a lot... until right this moment.

As what I've said, it wasn't really easy at all. Lately, my boyfriend gets sick frequently and I badly want to take care of him. Cook his food, bring it to his bed, give him a sponge bath, prepare his clothes, let him take his medicines, wipe his back when it becomes sweaty. I missed doing it but heck, all I could do for now is talk to him over the phone. I'm like his phone pal slash virtual girlfriend. It is like I am invisible or an imaginary girlfriend. I want to be right there- in flesh.

Time will come. I love him a lot. I could wait. It's worth it.
Oh God, give me strength.

Confused.

Today was an another bad day. I don't know where should I go with this kind of feeling. I am in pain and no one understands me, so I won't utter any word to them because it would be useless.

My boyfriend and I are fighting right at this moment because he thinks I am being over protected to him but he doesn't really understand why am I doing this to him. I don't want him to party at night with his friends because I am already traumatized for what happened to him before.. he's a natural trouble maker- his looks and of course, I am avoiding the "girls". Next, he wants to play basketaball. How could I let him play basketball when he's always having a hard time breathing? He might faint again like what happened months ago. He wants to race. God, everyone knows it dangerous! Who in world would let his loved one do something unsafe? But yet, he doesn't understand.. he would never understand me. I am doing this for his own sake, not mine. I am not being selfish. I love him so much but I know I am hurting him already. What should I do? Let him go? Loosen up? I really don't know. I am so confused. I love him, that is all I know..

In love :)

Realization --

I guess God has purposes why things happened today, actually really did happen. Today was depressing in general.

I accompanied my dear friend to PGH (Philippine General Hospital) to have her first pre-natal check up there because she was planning to give birth there by next month, CS section. But unfortunately, the OB-Gyne in charge told us that she should have at least six pre-natal check ups before she could be considered as a patient or else she might be requested to go to the other hospital. So as her mom advised us, we transferred to Dr. Fabella Memorial Hospital. Man, nightmare started here.

Fabella is known as "bahay paanakan" so as what I've expected as we enter the OPD, pregnant women are everywhere the area. Weve waited so long before my friend was called for an interview. Talking about bad luck, after the interview was the staff's lunch break. Check ups will resume in one hour. ONE HOUR! Damn. We couldn't wait any longer besides we were there like since 9AM and my friend was having a hard time breathing. So she was rushed to the emergency room......


... Only patients were allowed inside the ER, so I waited at the waiting area outside the ER when I saw a lot of things that strucked me down. There was a young lady near me who was having a hard time laboring. Her dress has blood stains and she was crying and complaining to her mom about the pain she was feeling and the doctors didn't even care. The hospital's janitress even told her "maglakad lakad ka kasi! para matadtad ka! hindi yun iiyak iyak ka diyan!" I was like "what the F? you're just a janitress here!" I pity all the people who were struggling there but wasn't really prioritized because they have no money.


If I could just help them, I would. *sigh*

Lord, hear me.

Pretty much, my day was bad. My boyfriend was rushed into the hospital by his dad because he fainted in their office. Maybe out of stress, I don't know. I haven't talk to him yet because he was confined for tonight, I don't know till when. I feel bad because his dad was so mad and told brent that he's already grew tired taking care of him. I was like "what the F! It is not Brent's fault that he gets sick most of the time.Who in the world would choose to be ill, right?" I just don't understand. If he only knew, Brent would do anything for them. I am trying to understand his dad. Maybe he is stressed out and problematic, but who isn't? Everyone has problems. We shouldn't say something like that. When our friend told us what Brent's dad told him.. I bursted into tears. If I only have enough money and courage to fully take care of him, I would. *sigh* I really don't know what to do. I don't know the whole story yet but hope everything will turn out fine soon. The doctor told them that Brent's heart ailment is the cause of his unconciousness. I hope it's nothing serious. I couldn't bear losing him. Please Lord, don't let this happen. We've been through a lot.

True or not?

It's all saints' day now. Like the surroundings, i feel blue. I feel sad since last night because of random things. I envy those people who have met their real friends. I've met a lot of people but only few I could call "true". Some of them would just befriend me because of the benefits they could take from me. Users, I per se. Some of them would just reach me if they need something. It's really sad when you don't know who are true to you and who are not. It hurts but yes, reality bites.


Oh well then, belated happy halloween everyone!


*sigh*, hope I could visit my grandpa's grave in Japan.