Lucky I am in love with him :)

"Have you ever been in love that it comes to the point your heart goes slower and faster at the same time everytime he's around?"

Yes! That is what I feel right now. So good. Yes, yes. I am very in love with.... who else? But Brent! *all smiles*

I don't know but I really don't care what people would say or do against me as long he's with me. He just proved me again, a while ago.. how much he loves me. I feel so refreshed and assured. He changed a lot. My sweetie changed for good. I hope he won't stop changing for the better. I love him so much!

Time: 9:11PM
Location: Living room



It's Monday and I don't feel well. Back to "normal". The usual nausea, headache and vommiting. I don't really have so much to talk right now. I just wanted to update this blog. KKKKK.

God's message for me today

Mika got a message that on this day, God wants her to know...

... that when the sun rises, it rises for you.

Yes, for you. Just for you. Only for you. You are it, everything, the whole universe with all the billion galaxies and stars. The separateness you feel is only a mask you have put on to enjoy this human form. Under the mask, your shape is All. How far can you now feel your Self expand? To your parent?... to your child?... to your friend?... to a stranger on a street?... half way around the globe?

Tuesday Happenings

What happened today? Hmm. Well, I woke up around 7AM and called up my boyfriend. So we talked for an hour or so. He told me that Jade texted around 5AM and told him to tell me to text her. So I was worried. I thought something bad happened. I immediately texted her. She called me around 9AM and told me to accompany her to the hospital cause she wasn't feeling well. I got up and went to the shower. Around 11AM, I met up with her up at SM Bicutan. We went to the hospital around 1PM. And as I sensed, the check up's result was not good. Her ObGyne told her that she's having a threatened abortion. Meaning, the baby is in danger right now. It could fall off anytime. The doctor recommended her some additional medicines and told her to take a bed rest for a week. I feel pity for Jade. I hope everything would turn out fine. I hope nothing happens to the baby. It's difficult for a mother to lose a baby.

I was desperately looking for a certain picture of Jade and I. I searched it in my friendster profile, found nothing. I tried to look for it also in her profile, I didn't find it too. Where did it go? Ugh!

I kinda felt sad because I saw my boyfriend's butterfly drawings for me on Jade's profile. It was on my walls before when Jade took a picture of it. It was 3 drawings. 2 small ones and the other one is bigger. I tore the small ones months ago out of anger when I thought he was seeing other girl in Malaysia. Who would thought it was his twin brother? Lol. I don't know. I kinda feel a regret but no one could blame me of what happened. I was in deep pain that time. Worthless pain. GAAH!

Paranoia Queen.

I don't know why but lately I've been over reacting to things. I respond to things in a exaggerated manner. I'm insane, for real. I am a certified paranoia queen. It kills me. It drives me crazy. *sigh* I've been really sensitive. Somebody help me. I can't smile. I just want to break down and cry myself to sleep.



HELP me, anyone?

Bakit kaya lagi silang ganun sa akin. Konting salita ko lang, konting pagkakamali lang. Akala mo nakapatay ako ng tao. Ewan ko ba. Dapat siguro masanay na ako. Masanay na masaktan. Pinipilit kong gawin manhid un sarili ko sa lahat ng naririnig ko na masasakit na salita pero wala eh, kahit anong gawin ko nasasaktan padin ako. Umiiyak padin ako. Ayoko na ng ganitong buhay e. Mayaman nga kami. Madaming daming pera. Nabibili ko lahat ng gusto ko pero ano ang kapalit? Ito? Oo, alam ko naman na hindi ako mala-anghel na anak e. Madami ako nagawang kasalanan sa mga magulang ako pero puta naman, kulang pa ba un buong buhay ko un pagsisisihan? Lahat na lang ng ginawa ko mali. Wala na akong ginawang tama. Ulitimo paglaglag ko ng pagkain galing sa bibig ko, malaking bagay sa kanila. Hindi naman ako perpektong tao no. At hindi din naman sila perpektong tao. Ayoko magalit e. Kasi mahal ko sila. Pero bakit ganun? Hindi ko naman maramadaman na mahal din nila ako. Hindi ko na nga maramadaman na may pakielam pa sila sa akin e. Alam mo, sa totoo lang. Pinipilit ko naman sila intindihin e. Alam ko naman na madami silang problema ngayon e. Pero bakit naman ganun. Hindi ko mainitindihan. Kanina, wala naman akong masamang sinabi kay mama e. Tinanong ko lang naman kung bakit sila lagi bumabalik ng Las Pinas. Sabi nia madami pa daw sila gamit dun. Sabi ko parang wala naman sila inuuwi. YUN LANG SINABI KO. Pero binastos ko daw siya. Wala daw ako respeto sa kanya. Gago daw ako. Umuwi na daw ako sa condo ko kasi wala naman daw ako pakinabang dito. Alam mo, lagi na lang nila ako pinapaalis dito e. Parang napilitan lang sila na isama pa ako dito. Sabagay, ramdam na ramdam ko naman na PABIGAT ako dito eh. Hahanap lang ako ng magandang tiyempo, aalis na din ako dito. Gusto ko lang naman kasi makasama ung aso ko e. Kaya gusto ko nandito ako. Pero kung sila lang din, wag na. Hindi naman nila ako kailangan dito e. Gusto ko na mamatay. Kahit anong gawin ko, wala ako mapatunayan sa kanila. Puro pagkakamali ko na lang nakikita nila. Wala na to. Wala na pag asa.